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Contestando tus preguntas.

Aquí hay algunas respuestas y preguntas que hemos recibido en el pasado de nuestra comunidad de sobrevivientes. Esperamos que estas respuestas puedan ayudar sobrevivientes, defensores, y al público en general a aprender más sobre el trauma y la curación de sobrevivientes.

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Understanding Trauma & Violence
Managing Trauma Impact
Meaning Making
Sharing Your Story
Supporting Survivors
Seeking Help After Trauma
Healing Week
Understanding Trauma & Violence

I was assaulted 6 years ago, but the memories are just beginning to flow back. I think about it every other day and it’s been causing me a lot of stress and depression. Could this be a sign that it was traumatic?

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Understanding Trauma & Violence

A boy my age touched my chest without asking. He didn’t pressure or coerce me, he just put his hands on me without consent. Does this count as assault when he didn’t force me, and we were 9?

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Sharing Your Story

When I was 16, my 15-year-old boyfriend pressured me into sexual activity at a party. I have autism and struggle with social cues. I didn't want to do it but nodded after he kept begging. I never told him to stop, but afterwards I left and threw up. I felt very uncomfortable afterward but never told him. Was this assault? Is it valid if the other person was younger?

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Meaning Making

When I was in 3rd grade, my older sister (4 years older) initiated inappropriate sexual contact between us, including touching private parts and kissing. This happened multiple times. As an adult, I now feel disgusted thinking about it. Was this sexual abuse? How should I understand and cope with this childhood experience? I want to ask her about it, but I am afraid.

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Sharing Your Story

When I (18F) was 7, I experienced what I consider sexual abuse from a same-age friend. This led to early sexual awareness and hypersexuality throughout my childhood. Later, I engaged in some inappropriate sexual exploration with my sister when we were both children. At the time, I didn't understand the implications and thought of it as a game. Now I feel guilty and disgusted with myself. My sister remembers some of it but thinks I'm overreacting. We have a good relationship now, but I'm struggling with these feelings. I'm considering talking to my mother but I'm scared of her reaction. I feel I need therapy but can't access it without my parents knowing. Did I abuse my sister? I'm worried she'll grow to hate me. How can I cope with these feelings and move forward? I am really struggling with my mental health.

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Understanding Trauma & Violence

What is the difference between molestation and other forms of abuse? Does it always happen between an adult and child or between someone with power and someone vulnerable?

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Understanding Trauma & Violence

What kind of trauma is it if you’re almost assaulted but got away? Is it still sexual trauma if nothing ended up happening?

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Understanding Trauma & Violence

As a child, I experienced a situation where a friend pressured me into exposing my genitals, blocking the door when I tried to leave. I initially refused before eventually giving in due to them persisting and feelings of guilt. This happened multiple times. The parents intervened when they found out and then things went back to normal. We remain friends to this day. These memories have resurfaced after many years, and I'm unsure how to categorize this experience. Was this a form of sexual abuse, even without physical contact? Could this childhood experience have long-term effects on me that I have noticed, such as wariness around men especially when I feel they are trying to talk me into doing something against my will? How can I understand and process this part of my past?

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I've noticed some of the questions asked involve evaluating the law and statistics in different countries. What countries would you be able to do this for if asked?

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Understanding Trauma & Violence

What does the term "objectification" or "viewing someone as an object" mean, particularly in the context of social interactions and relationships?

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Supporting Survivors

How can someone become an effective advocate against sexual violence?

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Understanding Trauma & Violence

Can you recommend resources and books on healing from sexual abuse?

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Understanding Trauma & Violence

Is it considered sexual abuse if someone started touching me without asking for verbal consent, and I reciprocated only because I felt that's what they expected and that I had to respond? I didn't really want to, but I felt obligated to participate.

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Managing Trauma Impact

What are some ways to process sexual abuse experiences without immediate access to professional therapy or counseling?

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Understanding Trauma & Violence

What is it called when someone is forced to assault someone else?

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Sharing Your Story

I remember my cousin (a girl) engaging in sexual acts with me multiple times when we were children. She said she'd heard it felt good and framed it as fun. We were the same age, but I was oblivious and have autism. Our friendship ended soon after when she became mean. I'm unsure how to feel. Was she being abused? Was I taken advantage of? How should I process this?

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Seeking Help After Trauma

I believe I was sexually harassed/assaulted by a school friend and I don’t know what to do. I believe I was sexually harassed/assaulted by a school friend in my school's theatre group. They would touch me romantically as a 'joke', starting with playing with my hair and holding my hand, then progressing to grabbing my waist and groping my thighs. I reported her to my theatre teacher, but nothing happened. The more I think about these incidents, the more pain and anger I feel. What should I do?

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Understanding Trauma & Violence

Is it sexual assault if an adult touches another adult's private parts without consent, but as a joke or to upset them rather than for sexual reasons? Also, is it considered sexual assault or COCSA (child-on-child sexual abuse) if a young child pressures another child into sexual acts to bully them, rather than for explicitly sexual reasons?

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Understanding Trauma & Violence

My cousin, who was slightly older, pressured me into exposing myself when I was younger (around 8-12 years old). I don't remember him touching me, but I've blocked out many memories. For years, I convinced myself it was just a dream. Now that I am older, I'm facing what happened, but I'm unsure how to label my experience. Can I say I was sexually assaulted or harassed? I don't want to use a label that isn't accurate.

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Sharing Your Story

As a child, I was exposed to a highly sexualized environment by my father and experienced sexual abuse from a peer. Later, I engaged in inappropriate sexual play with my younger brother who is on the spectrum. I had a vague understanding that it might be wrong, but I didn't fully comprehend the implications at the time. I now understand it was sexual abuse. I feel guilty and hope my brother doesn't remember. Does this make me a bad person? I still feel very guilty about this event.

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Managing Trauma Impact
Sharing Your Story

I recently remembered my perpetrator, who I had just started dating, sort of apologizing after he raped me. He cursed himself, calling himself a "bastard," but didn't fully admit what he'd done. He then told me I was "amazing and special." Was he feeling shame or manipulating me? Do perpetrators often use manipulation to avoid consequences? Also, when I've tried to speak out about my experience, I've gotten very negative reactions. I thought I was helping other women, but now I feel more guilt and shame for talking about it. Is this normal?

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Managing Trauma Impact

I was abused as a child by a family member. Since starting trauma therapy, I'm flooded with memories - not of the abuse, but of the house where it happened. Smells, sounds, tastes, images of rooms, my drawings, TV shows I watched. They come randomly throughout the day. I keep wanting to say "NO" to make them stop. Is this normal? What's my brain trying to tell me?

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Meaning Making

How can I feel comfortable in my sexuality? I'm bisexual and sometimes I feel disgusted about it.

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Sharing Your Story

My grandmother's partner groomed me from a young age sexually assaulted me while I was drunk as an adult. My husband witnessed and stopped the assault. This has caused significant trauma and issues in our marriage. Now my husband is giving me an ultimatum: I must tell my grandmother about the assault and limit contact with her, or he will leave me. My grandmother is terminally ill with cancer. Is it fair for my husband to demand this of me? I'm not ready to tell my family, and I don't want to lose my grandmother before I have to. I'm also afraid that if I choose to leave instead, he'll tell my family anyway. What should I do?

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Supporting Survivors

What are two core strategies that responsible citizens may use to help victims of gender- based violence?

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Understanding Trauma & Violence

Can a nine-year-old unknowingly sexually assault another nine-year-old? Is it considered wrong because they were a child when they did it? Is it even assault if they didn't know what they were doing was wrong?

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Understanding Trauma & Violence

A third-grade girl asks her fourth-grade cousin to engage in explicit behavior she saw in a video. Both children, not understanding the implications, partially undress and the older child lies on top of the younger one, mostly just looking. As adults, the younger child views it as a silly childhood incident, while the older one struggles with the memory. The same person who was the older cousin in the first scenario experiences unwanted touching from ankles to thighs by an older boy in fifth grade, despite crying and trying to refuse. Are either of these experiences COCSA? How does the individual deal with this? Is therapy necessary in such a case?

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Understanding Trauma & Violence

When I was 7-8 years old, my friend and I engaged in a game involving clothed touching, imitating abuse that my friend had experienced from a cousin of the same age. At the time, we didn't understand the implications. I enjoyed the physical sensations, but I'm now struggling to process this experience. I'm unsure if I shared information about this game with my own cousin or asked to play it with her, though I don't think we actually did. Does this situation qualify as child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA)? I'm concerned about how my actions might have affected my cousin. If both my friend and I were willing participants in this game, but it originated from my friend's experience of abuse, is it still considered COCSA?

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Managing Trauma Impact

I was sexually groomed and abused for years as a child. Now, as an adult, I frequently have sexual fantasies about being raped, even though I know I wouldn't actually want it to happen. I've been married for 21 years to a loving, understanding husband who knows about my past trauma. However, I only find sex with him truly exciting when it feels 'wrong' or forbidden. I'm rarely turned on by my husband's loving and trauma-aware approach, though I've never told him about my fantasies. I feel like something is broken in my mind and I want to understand and fix it. Can you explain why I'm struggling with this?

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Seeking Help After Trauma

Why do perpetrators of assault often try to make victims doubt their perceptions and memories of the event? Why is this tactic often successful in affecting victims' minds? Is this a common experience among survivors, or is it unique to my situation?

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Understanding Trauma & Violence

I was nine when I was first abused. Can a nine-year-old assault another nine-year-old?

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Seeking Help After Trauma
Sharing Your Story

When I was younger, I was sexually abused by my best friend. I was really young, only nine years old, and didn't know it was wrong until years later. We were both nine at the time. Then it happened again two years ago. How do I handle all of this? I'm doing things I shouldn't be doing to cope with all of this. This is my first time sharing my full story. I need help.

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Sharing Your Story

I'm struggling with a difficult family situation. My brother has been verbally abusing me for years, and when I try to confront him, he turns it back on me. My sister isn't supportive either. They're my only family, and I feel lost and alone. I'm disabled, which makes everything harder. I see a therapist, but I don't feel like I'm making progress. Are there online support groups or clubs I could join? I've heard about the #MeToo movement - could they help me confront my brother? I'm look for guidance on how to handle this and where to find support.

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Understanding Trauma & Violence

Is it considered child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA) when a 13-year-old pressures an 11-year-old friend into a romantic relationship by threatening the loss of friendship? The older child then engages in unwanted touching (including hands, face, hair, thighs, stomach, and chest), makes explicit sexual comments, and sends sexually explicit messages. The younger child repeatedly expresses discomfort and does not consent to the touching. The situation persists for months, culminating in the older child pressuring for future sexual activity. Both children are minors, and the younger child is trans. Does this scenario constitute child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA)?

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Managing Trauma Impact

As a child, I experienced inappropriate sexual behavior from an older sibling. This included verbal comments, jokes, and expressions of romantic interest. Now, as an adult, I sometimes use crude humor, though not to the same extent. When my friends comment on my sense of humor, even lightheartedly, it triggers memories of the past abuse and makes me feel uncomfortable. I've been trying to reduce my use of sexual humor, but I'm unsure how to address this with my friends without revealing my traumatic past. How can I navigate this situation and set boundaries without disclosing information I'm not comfortable sharing?

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Sharing Your Story

I was kissed by a sober person while I was drunk. When I confronted them later, they claimed I had insisted and begged for it to happen, and that I had made them uncomfortable by continuing to try after they said no. They say this is why they ended up kissing me, though they admit I didn't force them to do anything against their will. I'm fairly certain this isn't what happened, and I clearly remember taking distance at one point, after which they leaned in to kiss me again. They even put me to bed and kissed my forehead. Their account has left me very confused. At first, I thought I might have been harassed, but now I'm questioning if I was the one who pressured or coerced them. I need help making sense of this situation.

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Sharing Your Story

I was kissed by someone while I was drunk. At the moment, I didn't say no and was into it. However, once the alcohol wore off, I wished it hadn't happened. When I confronted the person and told them they shouldn't have engaged sexually with someone who was drunk and that the only appropriate thing to do with a drunk person is to help them walk or get somewhere safe, they responded by saying that I was the one who approached them repeatedly and didn't let them leave, even tearing up when they tried to go. Does this justify them kissing a drunk person? Does it make them less at fault and me more responsible?

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Sharing Your Story

I'm wondering if what I experienced at a party was sexual assault. I was extremely drunk, having downed half a bottle of vodka. While drunk, I got flirtatious with someone I met at the party. We held hands, and I touched their face and waist after asking for consent. We then kissed. The person was completely sober and aware of how drunk I was, as it was noticeable to everyone in the room. At one point, they said they were uncomfortable because there were too many people around, so they tried to take me somewhere alone, and we kissed there. I remember feeling dizzy, anxious, and nauseous. After the first kiss, they told me they didn't want to engage in anything sexual or romantic, so I took some distance. However, they then leaned in to kiss me again. The next morning, I regretted what happened and felt like I wouldn't have wanted to make out with that person if I were sober. I felt the aftermath of an unwanted sexual act. The person was avoidant the next morning, but I decided to get over it. Days later, I started dating my ex and told them about that night. My ex said it was assault because I was too drunk to give consent. They then told other people without my permission. The person who kissed me found out and verbally attacked me, almost threatening me and accusing me of spreading lies. They said it was my fault for getting too drunk, that I asked and begged them to kiss me, that I made them uncomfortable, and even accused me of things I didn't do. I'm confused about who's in the wrong and if it was assault or not. Is it my fault?

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Meaning Making

I'm struggling to determine whether what I experienced was sexual assault or if I'm just upset that it didn't go as I had hoped. I met a guy from a dating app who asked me to study with him at a public library. I agreed, thinking that was all that would happen. When he asked to kiss me, I didn't say no, but I didn't really enjoy it. Later, he asked me to meet him in the bathroom, and although I didn't want to, I felt like I had to go through with it. I didn't like it, and he didn't have a condom, but I didn't say anything. Since I never explicitly told him no, I feel like it doesn't count as assault because he might have thought I was consenting. Afterwards, he blocked me, and we never spoke again, but I had a pregnancy scare that caused me a lot of stress. I have panic attacks when I see people who look like him, and I can feel him touching me. I haven't worn the outfit I had on that day because it makes me feel gross. The encounter happened around 3 AM when I hadn't slept for at least two days and was going through a breakup with an abusive partner. I wasn't in a good state of mind, but he didn't know that. As an autistic person, I may have missed some signals, but I didn't expect things to happen in public. I'm doubting if it was sexual assault because I felt fine at the time, but since then, I've had no positive or neutral feelings about it. I've never had sex with a guy before, so I wonder if I'm just disappointed and trying to find a reason to be upset because it wasn't the fairy-tale experience I had imagined.

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Meaning Making

When I was a child, between the ages of 7-9, I remember an instance where I made my sister engage in a sexual act with me. Although I don't believe I was sexually abused by any adults, I did have cousins around my age who did sexual things to me, such as pulling down my pants while playing and repeatedly exposing their genitals to me. Additionally, my mother would share detailed stories of her own sexual abuse from a young age. I feel guilty about what I did to my sister and wonder if she remembers it and if it caused her any harm. I did not have bad intentions, but I experience anxiety and OCD, which makes me question if I am a deeply immoral person. I know my relationship with myself and my sexuality was skewed at a young age due to my mother's stories. I became hypersexual as a child, and it persists to this day. I don't remember how many times it happened with my sister, but I think I stopped because it felt wrong, and I knew our mother would be upset if she found out. I never spoke to my mother about it because she is abusive, and I didn't want to aggravate her trauma. I'm wondering if I am an abuser or perpetrator. I don't have any inappropriate feelings towards children now that I'm 19, and I constantly question myself to ensure I am not an abuser. I'm concerned that I may be the reason for my sister's temper issues and acting out, but that could also be a result of our abusive parents. I'm not sure how much I should blame myself.

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