Question

Is it considered child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA) when a 13-year-old pressures an 11-year-old friend into a romantic relationship by threatening the loss of friendship? The older child then engages in unwanted touching (including hands, face, hair, thighs, stomach, and chest), makes explicit sexual comments, and sends sexually explicit messages. The younger child repeatedly expresses discomfort and does not consent to the touching. The situation persists for months, culminating in the older child pressuring for future sexual activity. Both children are minors, and the younger child is trans. Does this scenario constitute child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA)?

Answer

Thank you for reaching out with this sensitive and important question. First and foremost, I want to acknowledge the courage it takes to seek understanding about such a difficult experience. These situations can be isolating and confusing.

The situation you've described could indeed be considered child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA). This form of abuse occurs when a child engages in sexual behavior with another child that is inappropriate for their age or development, often involving coercion or a power imbalance. In this case, several factors point to COCSA: the age difference, the coercion into a relationship, the persistent unwanted touching and sexual comments, and the disregard for clearly expressed boundaries.

It's crucial to understand that the younger child in this scenario is not at fault. They were placed in an extremely difficult position, manipulated through the threat of losing their only friendship, and subjected to ongoing harm and forced sexual activities despite expressing discomfort. The confusion and distress they likely felt, especially while navigating questions about their gender identity, would have made the situation even more challenging to process and respond to.

While both children involved were minors, the behavior of the older child was harmful and could be considered abusive. It's important to recognize that children who exhibit such behaviors often have their own underlying issues or past experiences that need addressing. However, this doesn't excuse their actions or diminish the impact on the younger child.

If you or someone you know has experienced a similar situation, please know that support is available. It can be incredibly helpful to speak with a trusted adult, counselor, or therapist who specializes in working with young people and trauma. Organizations like RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) offer resources and support specifically for those affected by sexual abuse. They have a 24 hour hotline and chatline if you would like to reach out to them to process this further. 

Remember, healing is possible. The effects of such experiences can be profound, but with proper support and care, individuals can process their trauma and move forward. You are not defined by what happened to you, and your feelings - whatever they may be - are valid. Please don't hesitate to reach out for help when you need it. You deserve support and understanding. Thank you again for trusting us with this question.