Pregunta

When I was 7 or 8, my older brother (10 or 11) with learning disabilities engaged in inappropriate sexual behavior towards me, including dry humping and other actions. I didn't resist or consent, just accepted it as I thought that's how things were. I told my mom when I was 13, but she doesn't seem to take it as seriously as I do, possibly because she experienced worse things in her childhood. The experience has affected my relationships, and I feel anxious and afraid. My brother and I still live in the same house, and he continues to struggle with viewing porn and looking at me in a sexual way. I want to seek therapy, but my mom doesn't think it's serious enough, and I'm afraid to tell my dad. Is this valid trauma, and how should I proceed?

Respuesta

Thank you for sharing this difficult experience. What happened to you was not your fault, and your feelings are entirely valid. 

The behavior you described from your brother could indeed be a sexually traumatic experience. It is perfectly acceptable to label this as trauma if it is having an ongoing impact on your wellbeing. 

Given your brother's learning disabilities, it's possible he may not fully understand the inappropriateness or consequences of his actions. People with certain cognitive impairments can sometimes struggle with impulse control, understanding boundaries, or comprehending the impact of their behavior on others. His actions might stem from a lack of proper sex education adapted to his needs, difficulty interpreting social cues, or challenges in managing his emerging sexuality.

However, it's crucial to understand that while this context helps explain his behavior, it doesn't excuse it or diminish its impact on you. Your feelings of anxiety, fear, and distress are completely valid. You deserve to feel safe in your own home and to have your experiences acknowledged and addressed. 

Your reaction of accepting it at the time is a common response, especially for a young child who doesn't fully understand what's happening. This doesn't make the experience any less harmful or invalidate your feelings now.

It's understandable and valid that you're feeling anxious and afraid. These are common reactions to childhood sexual trauma. The fact that the situation is ongoing, with your brother still exhibiting concerning behavior, adds another layer of stress and trauma that you shouldn't have to deal with alone.

Seeking therapy would be a very appropriate step. A mental health professional can help you process your experiences, manage your anxiety, and develop coping strategies. They can also potentially provide guidance on how to communicate your needs to your family in a way that emphasizes your well-being without vilifying your brother.

It's understandable that your mother might be struggling to address this situation, given its complexity and her own past experiences. However, your need for support and safety is important and valid. The ongoing situation at home is concerning.

If you feel your parents aren't taking your concerns seriously, you might consider reaching out to a trusted adult - perhaps a school counselor, teacher, or another relative - who can advocate for you and help ensure you get the support you need. They might also be able to help your family access resources to address your brother's behavior in a way that keeps everyone safe.

Remember, you're not alone, and there are resources available to help you. Your healing and safety are paramount. Don't be afraid to reach out for the support you need and deserve. Your feelings and experiences are valid, and seeking help is a brave and important step towards healing. If you want more ongoing support with this situation, consider reaching out to ChildHelp through their or RAINN through their online chat line.

Thank you for sharing this difficult and complex situation. Your feelings and experiences are valid, and it's important to acknowledge the impact this has had on you. Thank you for trusting us.