Thank you for reaching out to us and for sharing your story. It's understandable that you're trying to make sense of this memory now that you're older. Childhood experiences can often be confusing to process as adults.
What you've described is a situation where both you and your classmate were young children exploring something neither of you fully understood. At that age, neither of you could give informed consent. It's normal to feel uncomfortable thinking about it now.
The term COCSA (Child-on-Child Sexual Abuse) covers a wide range of experiences. While your situation may not involve physical touch, it still involved sexual exposure under pressure, which can be distressing. Your feelings of discomfort and confusion are valid.
When considering whether an experience falls under COCSA or healthy childhood exploration, there are some general principles to consider:
Healthy childhood exploration typically involves:
Situations that may be considered COCSA often involve:
In your situation, there was an element of pressure and discomfort, which doesn't align with healthy exploration. However, it's important to remember that each situation is unique and should be evaluated carefully.
It's common for early sexual experiences, even if not abusive, to impact later behavior or interests. Your subsequent interest in sexual content online may or may not be related - human development is complex.
Remember, you don't need to label your experience if you're not comfortable doing so. What matters most is how you feel and process it. If this memory continues to trouble you, speaking with a therapist who specializes in childhood experiences could be helpful. They can provide personalized guidance and support as you work through these memories and feelings.
Your feelings are valid, regardless of how this experience compares to others. The focus should be on your well-being and healing as you work through these memories and emotions. Take care of yourself. Thank you so much for reaching out to us. You are not alone.
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Our Wave es una 501(c)(3) organización sin ganancia y un servicio anónimo. Para recursos adicionales, visite el sitio web RAINN o la campaña It's On Us. Si esto es una emergencia, comuníquese con el servicio de emergencia local.