Masuka Nourin Heya

i am writing as my younger self , who is only 7/8 years old . i always say my life before 2006 was the only fresh precious moment of my life and after that the struggle of eternity crash on me and it kept getting heavier . it was 2006 we recently shiftd from our home town to the city . a man used to live beside our home and i used to play with his daugter every afternoon ...one day when i went to see her i saw her father watching porn and touching his penis , he noticed me standing before i could leave , at that age i didn't know it was something called porn but whatever it was for me then made me very uncomfortable and created a gwaning feeling intantly ..he asked me to lie with him in his bed ...he held my hand so tightly , it was the most scary moment of my life! i get off his hands from me and ran .....i did not say anything about it to my mother or anyone else . in that same area there was another guy who used to ghost me everytime he saw me. he used to tell me that he will took me away and these things made me crumble inside , i didnt attend my arabic lessons that time . i told my mom that mane is creepy and he scares me but she didn't pay any heed to my concerns . it was 2008 when we moved to the main part of the city ..our landlord one day saw me alone and he grabbed me from behind ...and started touching my chest , rubbing continusly , i was trying to get out of there but he was holding me tightly , he losen his grab when he felt he is done !!!! for all these years i kept living in hell still i coudn't figure out what happend with me , i don't have any definition but it feels so disgusting and disturbing . when i was in class 7 i read online an article "child sexual abuse by pedophile" ...i kept reading that article and every memory of those disgusing moments kept flashing in front of my eyes ! finally i know i have been wronged and i can now have the definition to tell what happen with me . but i could'nt say anything to anyone . i still feel this disgusting feeling and it makes me want to tear my skin off . After this incident i have read more horrible stories , i know i was lucky to get out but the imprints of this disgusting memory aches everywhere . i dont know if i will ever be able to get over !