Pregunta

I'm trying to understand an experience from my childhood. When I was about 12, a local girl who was a year or two younger initiated 'playing doctor' with me, despite my lack of interest. She touched my genitals, which I didn't mind, but then insisted I touch hers. When I refused, she threatened to claim I'd abused her if I didn't comply. Feeling pressured, I reluctantly participated. This happened in her bedroom, which she shared with her younger brother. She would lock him out, using furniture to block the door. Her brother would knock and ask to be let in, but she'd refuse. Their parents seemed mostly unconcerned, only occasionally telling her not to lock her brother out. Was this sexual abuse, or just childhood innocence gone too far? I'm confused about how to interpret this experience and its impact on me. My friend suggests my compliance was a 'fawning' response. How should I understand what happened? Was this sexual abuse or childhood innocence?

Respuesta

Thank you so much for trusting us with this difficult experience. What you've described seems to go beyond typical childhood curiosity or "innocence." The situation involved coercion and a threat, which are not part of healthy, consensual exploration. Your friend's suggestion of a "fawning" response - a trauma response where someone complies to avoid conflict or further harm - seems applicable here.

Several aspects of this situation are concerning:

1. Your lack of interest and initial refusal, which was not respected.
2. The threat to falsely accuse you of abuse, which is a form of manipulation and coercion.
3. The repeated nature of these incidents, as suggested by the routine of locking out her brother.

While the other child may not have fully understood the implications of her actions, her behavior was inappropriate and potentially harmful. It's understandable that you're confused about how to interpret this experience - childhood experiences involving sexual elements can be particularly complex to process.

It's important to recognize that you were not at fault in this situation. You were placed in a position where you felt you had no choice, which can indeed be a form of abuse.

The impact of such experiences can vary greatly from person to person. If you find that this experience is causing you distress or affecting your current life, it may be helpful to speak with a mental health professional who specializes in childhood trauma. They can provide a safe space to explore your feelings and help you understand and process this experience.

Remember, your feelings about this experience are valid, whatever they may be. There's no "right" way to feel about complex childhood experiences. Be patient and compassionate with yourself as you work through understanding this part of your past. Thank you for reaching out to us. You are not alone.