Thank you for sharing this complex and sensitive childhood memory. It's understandable that you're grappling with how to interpret these events from when you were so young.
At 4 years old, children are naturally curious about bodies and relationships, but they lack the maturity to fully understand boundaries or consent. Your actions - taking the boy to the bathroom, attempting to mimic a kiss you saw - seem to reflect normal childhood curiosity rather than intentional harmful behavior.
It's important to remember that at that age, you were still learning about privacy and social norms. The fact that you covered yourself shows some awareness of bodily privacy, even if you didn't fully grasp why the boy shouldn't be in the girls' bathroom.
The term COCSA (child-on-child sexual abuse) typically involves a significant age difference or power imbalance, which doesn't seem to be the case here. However, only you can decide how to label or interpret your experiences.
If these memories are causing you distress, it might be helpful to speak with a child development specialist or therapist. They can offer professional insight into typical childhood behaviors and help you process these memories in a healthy way.
Remember, it's normal for our understanding and feelings about childhood events to change as we grow older. Be kind to yourself as you work through these memories. Thank you for reaching out to us. You are not alone.
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