My Disturbing and Unforgettable Past
Original Story
This is something Iâve thought about for a long time. I told some people but they don't know the details. Iâll start at the beginning. When I was first sexually abused. I had a best friend. I have known her since we were in diapers. I always went to her house every. Single. Weekend. Until fourth grade was over. Well, this particular time was different. I used the bathroom at her house like I always do. Now this is where it gets weird. She asked me if IâŠpooped. Yeah, weird. I reluctantly told her yes. I donât exactly remember what happened next, but every weekend she would try and get me to poop. Even if I didnât have to. Now, this is the crazy part. She would have me get down on my hands and knees with my pants down. Then she would shove a Sharpie in me. Yes, it hurt. My face scrunched up. She kept going and I didnât say anything because one, I was scared and two I just freaked out and froze. And sometimes she would lay and towel down on her floor, wanting me to take a crap on it. I didnât that time but I think I did. Once. Another time was when she got orbies. Yes, ORBIES. She put them in a pencil case that was filled with water. When they grew, she had me get on my hands and knees again and shoved them in me like she did with the Sharpie. Now, I didnât really know what was going on. I was nine and clueless. And a little scared of her. She tends to get violent sometimes if I donât do something she wants. So this time like all the other times, I didnât say a word. Once I was full of orbies, she had me sit on the toilet and push them out. Some were too far up me and I couldnât get it out. SoâŠthis is really hard to put down. Iâve never gone into this much detail before. She had to use her finger to get them out. When they were out, she had me do the same thing to her. And that was the first and only time she wanted me to do something to her. Every time I would go over, she did the same thing. I kept going to her house because I mean sheâs my best friend and I didnât know it was wrong until it popped up in my head one day. Four years later. Now, when I found out it was wrong. I was in shock. I didnât know what to think. Well, the first thing I thought was âwhy.â I was traumatized from then on. And then the unthinkable happened. It happens AGAIN. This story has a lot of parts. So I had this neighbor that was really annoying and I tried to avoid her. Well, when I couldnât I had to hang out with her. And when we did it wasnât all bad. We went to her granny and papaâs house and swam in their pool and played laser tag. This particular afternoon, we were at her granny and papaâs house swimming. So, weâre swimming and my top keeps falling. So then I decided to just take it off. I mean we were both girls and I didnât think much of it. But that just led to worse things happening. So back to the pool. She asked if she could kiss me. I didnât know what to say. I mean Iâve never kissed anyone before, so I said âsureâ just wanting to try it out. Mind you, I didnât like her like that. So to me, it was a kiss. To her, it was something more. So we kissed and then I grinded on her leg and she did the same to me. So, we got out after that and just hung out. A little while after that we started dating. It was on and off. She only wanted sexual favors but Iâll get to that. We were at their house, we were in her room looking for her X-box. She sat on the bed and I just stood there awkwardly. Then she mentioned something about me either giving her head or fingering her. I don't remember but, I do remember somehow avoiding the question and changed the subject. Fast forward to a few weeks later, we were at my house in my pool. So were just swimming and playing around. Well, she got horny like she always does whenever weâre alone. This is the really disturbing part. We had these pool torpedoes, right? We had like four of them. Well, she got creative and decided to shove two up inside her and she wanted me to do the same. I asked âwhyâ and she just said âJust do it, it feels good.â I of course didnât believe her, but she kind of coerced me to. So she put two in me and it hurt like hell. I could barely move. After a few seconds of having them in, I wanted them out, but she wouldnât let me. I told her it hurt and she didnât care. She told me I had to get ready for dick. Instead, we got out of the pool and walked to my treehouse. I don't know how I could walk let alone climb the ladder to get up into the treehouse. So we sat down, and I said, â{~Name~}, please let me take them out, it hurts.â she said I could only take them out if I fingered her. Yeah, sheâs controlling and manipulative. She gave me no choice. When I was done, I took them out. Just then her mom came over and said it was time to go home. Thank god. When she left, I went inside and changed. When I was done, I went to the bathroom and it burned. And I was bleeding. Yeah, she popped my fucking cherry in the worst way possible. Crazy right? Well, it doesnât end there. It hurt to walk because I had a constant burn between my legs. I couldnât wear underwear because it hurt so bad. They would rub up against me and make the pain even worse. I didnât tell anybody because I was ashamed of myself. I never told her âno.â it's like you do something you donât want to do and you feel like you have no choice. You just kind of disassociate and arenât in the moment. And when it's over, thatâs when it hits you. And you ask yourself, âWhy did I do that?â and you canât go back and fix it. I ask myself that every day I see her, when I go near my pool, and when I see those toys she used on me. I could hardly fall asleep that night, and the burn made it hard to sleep. A few days after when I went to the bathroom it burned and there was this pain. I canât explain. I couldnât even do track practice. I later found out I had a UTI. I didnât dare tell anyone about it because I was ashamed of myself. I let this happen to me again. That wasnât the only time. I tried to avoid her after that but she always saw me and Iâd pretend to be happy to see her. Whenever we were alone together she would somehow coerce me into doing sexual things to her. One time I went over to her house after I got off the bus. I put my backpack inside and went back over. I wasnât to be over there because her mom wasn't home. She invited me in, and of course, I didnât speak up and say ânoâ for the hundredth time. So she showed me around the house and we sat on the couch and I tried to have a casual conversation but all she wanted to do was make out. She convinced me to go into her room. And there we made out and got naked. I really hate saying this. But I was kissing her and she asked me âYou want to eat this pussy?â and I didnât say no. I just nodded my head and I hated myself and wanted to kill myself afterward. I went home and washed my face and my mouth to get her taste off my face and my mouth. I never said no because one I was scared and if I said I didnât want to she would threaten me or manipulate me into what she wanted. Like what she did at the pool. Im still traumatized from that. And I see her every day at school. I can't forget what she did to me. Now I don't like people touching me the way she made me touch her. Since she was my first sexual experience now I do things with girls more than I do with boys. She messed me up in so many ways. I told my friend what she did and of course, she was disgusted. She made this âughâ face and shook her head. It was funny. This is the more updated version than what I put on paper, but im gonna put this on paper. I could print it but I don't want my parents to read this. They would be very concerned.