Question

I'm unsure if I perpetrated COCSA in my childhood (around age 9-10) or if it was just my natural curiosity. It involved examining a younger relative's genitals (4 years younger) during play, motivated by curiosity about my own body after an injury. There was no force used or explicit sexual activity, but I'm confused about whether the age difference makes this concerning. I didn't fully understand the implications at the time. I plan to discuss this with a professional, but I'm looking for initial guidance on how to categorize and understand this childhood experience.

Answer

Thank you for sharing this sensitive experience. It's understandable that you're trying to make sense of this childhood incident and its implications. Based on the information provided, this situation seems to fall into a gray area. While there was an age difference and curiosity about bodies involved, it doesn't appear to meet the typical criteria for COCSA (Child-on-Child Sexual Abuse).

When evaluating situations like this, it's crucial to consider both intent and impact. Your intent appears to have been curiosity and exploration rather than any desire to harm or exploit. This is an important factor, as children's motivations are often very different from adults in similar situations. However, we must also consider the potential impact on the younger child, even if unintended.

The primary factors to consider are your age and level of understanding at the time, the absence of force or coercion, the context of play and curiosity rather than sexual gratification, and the lack of explicit sexual activity. It's important to recognize that children often engage in exploratory behaviors as they try to understand their bodies and the world around them. This curiosity is generally considered a normal part of development, especially when it doesn't involve force or explicit sexual acts.

However, the age difference and the nature of the interaction do raise some concerns, which is likely why you're feeling uncertain about it now. It's positive that you're reflecting on this and seeking to understand it better. This reflection shows an awareness of the potential impact of our actions, even those from childhood.

Moving forward, it's an excellent idea to discuss this with a mental health professional. They can help you navigate the complex interplay between intent and impact, providing a more comprehensive assessment based on all the details. They can also help you process any feelings associated with this memory.

Remember that children cannot be held to the same standards of behavior as adults. Your intentions and level of understanding at the time are crucial factors, but so is learning from past experiences. If you're experiencing guilt or anxiety over this, a therapist can help you work through these emotions in a healthy way.

This experience doesn't define you. What's important is how you choose to learn and grow from reflecting on past experiences, considering both your intentions and the potential impact of your actions. Your thoughtful approach to understanding this incident demonstrates maturity and responsibility. Thank you for reaching out to us.