Message to a Survivor
I want anyone who is in a situation of abuse to know there is nothing more important than finding a way out. There are sites that are abuse friendly , (browsers) that dont track your computer history of getting help so abusers dont know your escaping. There are neighbors who if they knew , they would help you leave. (my neighbor saved my life with a bicycle pump). There are family , and friends who are on your side. You are also worth it, and any depression you may have is not worth staying in a bad relationship to keep being depressed. You deserve happiness, a better life.
Message of Healing
Healing is completely subjective , everyone handles trauma differently. It took me several years of therapy, years of singlehood; and a lot of personal growth. I didn't completely change right after i left my abuser. I had a lot to learn over time about life. I still made a few bad choices after in life. The real highlight from all that i went thru is an empathy towards others, and a bigger picture of what the world is really like. I know life will never be as bad as it was living with my abuser. I knew if i stayed he would have killed me.
What started out as agreeing to a first date from a mutual friend, ended in a stalker, turned abuser. He was a smart man who gaslighted me all the way to the alter. The first instance of abuse was pretty severe. I had just left the house we shared when he chased after me and began to rip me out of my car as to prevent me from leaving. Over the next year, he quit his jobs twice, moved us four times and left me on a bathroom floor for over 7 hours in hospital level kidney stone pain. I realized he did not care for my well being; so i made up my mind to leave him. It took me 5 tries to leave. The worst attempt was him finding my packed bags, and immediately he grabbed my phone, grabbed my wrist and began a hour long battle over chasing me to take away my freedom to leave the house. This relationship was based in kidnapping me, keeping my freedom away from me. I am so glad i am free now. I did years of therapy after wards. If i could give any advice; listen to your gut when it tells you someone is not for you.