my house is in {~state~}, along with my parents and my brother and my dog. it was a very abusive household. during times of skull-burning frustration, i would chant in my head "just wait until your 18. just wait until you're in college." now, i am living in {~state 2~} for college. this is my first college semester and i had just moved out of my original dorm. my roommate would touch me. while this is not the first time i have been touched non-consensually, it was the first time i had to live with someone who did it. regardless, i would downplay it in my head. we were friends. she sent me memes. i laughed at her jokes. we would go to the beach together. eat dinner together. we were friends. we were good. during a casual noise and cleanliness complaint to an RA, i revealed that my roommate would touch me, thinking nothing of it. suddenly, the police are involved. suddenly, campus housing knocks on my door. suddenly, i am given a temporary room to move into merely 6 hours after telling the RA. suddenly, my college recommends me to look into getting an attorney. i have since moved out. i was not ready to tell my roommate the truth as to why i moved out, so i left it vague. my ex-suitemates have blocked me. they shun me, and i am on the receiving end of their death glares. my ex-roommate would text me like normal until yesterday, when she blamed everything on me. my old friend group dissolved beneath me. i confided in one of my real friends. she was supportive. she told me to lawyer up. she told me to go to court. to talk to police. to sue. to press charges. to gather evidence. i wanted to forget it all. i feel like no one is able to understand me. and so i turned to my family in {~state~}. and my mom, who has hit me, beat me, belittled and screamed at me, is now weeping for me. the mother i once so greatly feared is now- weeping for me. and after downplaying the non-consensual touching for so long, i do not know what to think of it. sexual assault? misconduct? boundary violation? overreaction? i am struggling between the strong desires to leave this behind, or to send a final letter to my ex-roommate so she can live with the weight of the sins she made.