When I was 7-8 years old I was raped/molested/sexually assaulted by my older cousin (F/11-12). She forced me to kiss and touch her. She did the same to me. She blackmailed me and threatened me to not tell. This happened three times that I can remember. I am much older now and I am still forced to interact with her. I recently told my mom. She believes me and supports me. For a long time, I didn't think she would, but she does and I'm so glad. However, she and I both know that it is complex because of my grandparents. We don't think it would help anything to tell them because they are getting older and don't want to worry them. My grandmother would also talk to my cousin without my consent. My older cousin still shows signs of narcissism or being a sociopath. She recently somewhat acknowledged the rape. She referred to me as annoying when I was younger and stated that she had to be mean to me because her older sister was mean to her. It broke me to hear that she isn't sorry about anything. She isn't sorry about raping me, bullying me, or anything. I don't know how to cope or how to handle how I'm feeling. I feel like I have a permanent stain and I wish that I could get rid of it. It is painful. I am now trying all ways that I can to avoid familial interactions (birthdays, holidays, etc.) by booking trips or making excuses. My mom says that is fine and she will be my buffer. I just don't think it's fair that my innocence and joy was stollen from me and I'm the one having to evade. I just can't listen to people talk about her in such a positive way when I know what she did and how she still is. I can't interact with her. I can't see pictures of her. I hate her. I hate her parents too. I feel that they are to blame. They divorced and left her to the wolves. One was depressed and one didn't care. The result was a messed up kid who messed me up. I never did it to anyone else and never wanted to. I just feel that I am never going to heal, and even if I learn to cope, I still shouldn't have to be around her. But there is no fun way around it. Someone is hurt.