#348
Original Story
It's kind of hard to label what happened to me because of the circumstances surrounding it, i've invalidated myself a lot, gaslit myself, thought that my experience wasn't valid because people had it worse. I have talked a lot to friends, fellow survivors and they all say it was pretty much sexual assault/abuse (harassment of course too) but it's still different because it was all online, we skyped, called, and texted every day but it was still online and she lives in another country so i could never report what happened. My name is {~survivor~} and I am a survivor of abuse. I met {~Name A~} in 2016 but only became close to her in 2017, while i had heard of {~Name B~} many times in 2016 and 2017, i only became friends with {~Name B~} in 2018. Many people said she was bad news and i was skeptical of her at first but like many people I was sucked into a cycle for many years with no way out. When I first met {~Name B~} I was 16 and she was 20, {~Name A~} was 19. Prior to meeting them, I was so much different, I was confident and passionate, I had this determination and drive but as soon as I met {~Name B~} I slowly became her lap dog. I am slowly becoming the girl I was before, I am kinder now that I am out of that “friendship”, more empathetic and compassionate, I am a better person now. What {~Name B~} did was she took advantage of a vulnerable teenager, groomed her and stripped her of her self esteem and confidence until she was no longer her own person, but {~Name B~}’s object. I was the one that met {~Name B~} first and introduced her to {~Name A~}. The three of us were inseparable once upon a time, we would spend pretty much all day every day together and back then, we were perfect. However, over time, things started to go downhill, around this time last year in fact, things started to happen that I thought nothing of at first, I thought everything that happened was because I was a terrible person and an even worse friend but now, I can see that what happened was disgusting and should never have happened. Due to me being a minor and {~Name B~} being an adult, there was a huge power imbalance. We had our own friend group, it was small and none of us ventured outside of our little bubble, the only people we interacted with was eachother. Honestly the friend group dynamic we had was toxic now that I am looking back at it, there was drama every single day, each day someone had something or someone to complain about and it was draining. Especially after the November 2020 incident, {~Name B~} and {~Name A~} constantly talked shit about me behind my back, calling me annoying and boring. My friendship with them got dependent, i was dependent on them for happiness and life seemed to revolve around them, my friendships with them were all about them and their ships. I never felt i could talk about me, i did a few times but not nearly as much as they talked about themselves. They came to me and to eachother for everything, I had to talk {~Name B~} off the ledge a few times. I got dependent to the point that if i didn’t talk to them for a few days things would feel weird, i felt bad for it. They spent all day roleplaying their ships and no one could talk to them when they were or else they would get mad. {~Name B~} would be controlling, she told me not to cut my hair a certain way and one time {~Name A~} and {~Name B~} mentioned in a call they didn’t like one of the clothes that i got as a present, i ended up throwing it in the bin. {~Name B~} would judge my hair, she said i needed to get it touched up as my roots were showing and she hated that. There were times where {~Name A~} and {~Name B~} would exclude me in calls and conversations, a lot of the time the calls were all about their ocs and ships. I was afraid of talking to {~Name B~} about things at one point, she snapped at people a lot (even her own girlfriend) and while she may have said sorry sometimes, she still snaps and is rude. You can’t call her out on anything or she gets upset I wasn’t allowed to have a different opinion and when she started to move away from the toxicity and form my own opinions she got angry. She goes against everything that I believe in and i am ashamed that i supported and was friends with a person like her and her girlfriend, who has the same views. I turned 18 in September of 2019, {~Name B~} didn’t do too much to me that i remember prior to me being 18 but right after i turned 18, she developed feelings for me, despite our significant age gap and despite her knowing me at such a young age. In February 2020, she confessed her feelings to me, I wasn’t doing very well mentally so I just shut down and had what you could call an anxiety attack, I ended up not being able to say either yes or no to whether I reciprocated and {~Name B~} got upset, she acted as if I had betrayed her and rejected her. Fast forward to July 2020, I was still 18 at this time and {~Name B~} was 22. The two of us were just messing around in the chat box, roasting eachother back and forth. {~Name B~} would roast me really hard and often, some could say our friendship was based on her roasting me,, a lot of the time her roasts were personal, like she would call me lame or stuff like that. I would roast back but only to be told my roasts were not as good as hers. I then somehow let it slip that I do sexual activities, yeah not a big deal so many people have done it but {~Name B~} started to fixate on it and would ask me all sorts of questions and i ended up telling her i had a s** t** and she freaked out and asked for photos of it, she kept begging and i sent her one on Facebook, only to unsend it a second later so she couldn’t save it but then she started yelling, saying “fuck, bitch send it again or i will call you,” and then we called and i had to show her the s** t**. I remember her asking me to turn it on but i never used it on myself. A few days later i found out that {~Name A~} was on a skype call with her as we were calling on Facebook. Since then, {~Name A~} and {~Name B~} proceeded to tell everyone about my sex life and everyone except for a few people would laugh at me for it. I was humiliated, they weaponised sex to make me feel and look bad. It was brought up so many times during skype calls, even when i told them not to talk about it. This was one of the first instances of grooming and what i first called sexual harassment but after talking to many people about it including survivors, I realised It crossed the line between harassment and assault, numerous survivors can agree and vouch me on that. There was a call at one point between myself, {~Name A~}, {~Name B~} and {~Name C~}, I am not sure how it came about but {~Name B~} started to ask me these really graphic sexual questions. I tried to tell her “maybe we shouldn’t talk about this,” because we were in a call with others and I was just generally uncomfortable but she told me that it was “natural,” and “nothing to be ashamed of,” I ended up being coerced into answering these questions and she laughed at me. In August 2020 (two weeks after my dog passed away may i add, i was already in a bad state) {~Name B~} suddenly out of nowhere admitted she still had feelings for me and asked me to date her after we flirted with eachother for ten minutes. We agreed to date and we texted with eachother for an hour before there was radio silence from her. Not long after that, {~Name B~} suddenly messages me saying she is still in love with {~Name A~}, who she was in love with for years before {~Name A~} rejected her months prior to {~Name B~} admitting her feelings for me. I feel as if I was just the second choice, the rebound, the throw away. {~Name B~} was also the first person who had ever shown interest in me romantically so it hurt that this was my first experience in love. I was confused at first when i received these messages, it took a while for me to process what was going on. As mentioned in one of the screenshots, everyone thought {~Name A~} was straight, that was the reason {~Name B~} was rejected in the first place. I had no idea {~Name A~} felt this way, so it was a big shock for me as she never displayed any interest in women prior. I messaged a friend of mine who knew that I was dating {~Name B~} and i vented to her. However, {~Name B~} hacked my account without my consent, looked through my messages and saw me venting. The hacking would turn out to be something {~Name B~} did often and each time she justified it by blaming it on me. In this conversation, there was a lot of guilt tripping too and the way {~Name B~} would constantly use {~a childish nickname for me~} (in general) seems condescending and almost like talking to a child I was then painted in a bad light and I was not allowed to have feelings about being broken up with for someone else, my feelings were invalidated, i looked like the bad guy and eventually i believed i was the bad guy. Everything seemed to be fine for a while until i got into a skype call and an argument broke out, i had an anxiety attack in the call with {~Name C~}, {~Name B~} and {~Name A~} and they all left me to go into a private skype call. {~Name B~} took a photo of the private skype call the three entered into and posted it in a facebook story, the call was called “fuck i hated that call,” and i saw it but i never said anything. Fast forward to November 2020, this is when i started to question my sexuality as i originally identified as bisexual but it didn’t feel right for some reason so i did what anyone would do, i consulted a friend, that friend was {~Name A~}. I didn’t tell her explicitly that i was questioning my sexuality but i was hoping by talking to her and asking her about sexual orientation that i would be able to figure things out about myself, i thought she would have understood as she had gone through her own struggles. We were in a call with {~Name B~} but she had left the room or something but she was still present. I believe she must have heard us having a private conversation and the entire thing was misinterpreted. {~Name B~} and {~Name A~} thought i was just jealous of {~Name A~} and trying to make {~Name A~} feel bad but i wasn’t, i was questioning my sexuality and i thought that talking to {~Name A~} would help me. I thought she would understand. Late that night, i got a random message from {~Name B~} saying that {~Name A~} had gone to bed and that she wanted to talk to me. It was very late at night. {~Name B~} started to ask me questions about whether i had feelings for her or not. I was very confused. I said no a few times but {~Name B~} said that she wasn’t sure how feelings can go away that quickly, i then replied that perhaps i had pushed them down. She then asked whether i would be in a relationship with her behind {~Name A~}’s back. I was uncomfortable but i didn’t know what to do and i believed {~Name A~} was asleep. Earlier that day, {~Name B~} said that she was sad that {~Name A~} won’t have skype sex with her. I panicked and said there was something she couldn’t get, it was not an offer, i was making a statement and i admit i made the situation worse, i wasn’t sure if she was serious or not either. I said things that may have made things worse, things I never should have or would have said so maybe it was partially my fault but She then asked if i was offering her phone sex, i tried to say that it would hurt {~Name A~} and it would be wrong but she kept going on about it and {~Name B~} said she’d be okay with it. She then said she loved {~Name A~} and I told her that she needed to stay with her. I had a hard time sleeping that night, i was shaky, anxious and crying, i even tried to message someone about it. I did not tell {~Name A~} because i thought she was asleep. I have a problem with not being able to tell people no. She also asked if I fantasise about her when I read smut, I said no because that’s disturbing. I thought she still had feelings for me and had posted things earlier that day that made it sound as if she still had feelings for someone and i responded the way i did as i thought that she had feelings for me and i was afraid to hurt {~Name B~} because last time i rejected her, she was really hurt and i didn’t want to hurt her again like i did the other time The next day, i found out that it was all a test to not only see if i still had feelings for {~Name B~} but if i would seduce {~Name B~} and get into skype sex with her or send her something. I also found out that {~Name A~} was not asleep after all but she was awake, watching the entire conversation. I tried to defend myself but i was made to be the villain, told i had failed again and i felt dirty and disgusting. She did more emotional abuse but I won't get further into that. I am also pretty sure i remember her showing me porn on one of those "watch with friends" websites and i was a minor.