coming to terms with having a history of child sexual abuse as a young man
Hello everyone. Where to start. I'm a 22 year old guy who was had a rough past year of 2022. A lot happened, I broke up with my girlfriend of almost 4 years. The house I grew up in was sold. I have had memories come up this past year, that I have known about for the longest time, but there is more and more surfacing and I am taking my time to deal with it all, for which I am thankful, being in a space where I can just be and let all this come up. So I think I was abused / touched inappropriately between the age of 5 and 10 by my older brother. I don't believe it happened very often, but it did happen, I'm becoming more sure of that. There was no violence, no hate. Just acts of a sexual nature, that should not happen at that age and should not happen between brothers. It didn't feel serious for a long time, which is why a part of me feels like it wasn't that bad, and that I shouldn't be taking it so seriously. But I have been able to accept that it was bad enough to affect me almost to my core. I am reading "The myth of normal" by Gabor Mate, and this book has allowed me to give my thoughts and emotions a platform. I also don't know how this website works I just needed a space to write and express all this. I have had angina / strep throat since I was a young child, and more and more I feel like this is related to the fact that I don't feel like I can tell anyone about this, because I feel it would destroy my family and I don't want to put that on them. I don't even know if my brother is aware of what he did all that time ago.