I was 17. At the time, this kid was just released from jail for about the second time since I met him in high school art class. Everyone was scared of him, but somehow we got along. I met him, his little brother and his two friends for a night of drinking. My friend was supposed to come, but she never showed up, so it was just me and the three boys. We all started drinking and the boys were also smoking. Having a good time. Everything was fine. It got late and we all made our way downstairs. Suddenly, it was just me and him in his room while the other guys were out watching TV. Then it happened. Idk exactly how, but the first thing I remember is him shoving my head down at his crotch. He wasn't clothed but I was. He grabbed me by the back of my neck, forced me down and told me to suck him. Repeatedly I said "please don't. I've never done this before. I don't want to" But it didn't matter. He had his hand around my neck. Next thing I know he's ripped off my pants and lifted me on top of him. I started crying. Uncontrollably. I begged him to stop...but it didn't matter. The pain was excruciating. I was virgin. And he was my first time. I wanted to fight back but I knew he had a history of beating his ex-girlfriend who went to school with us and he just gotten out of jail. For better or for worse, I didn't want him to hit me. The guys outside the room could hear me crying and begging for it to stop. His little brother came into the room, yelling at him to stop. The kid said "get the fuck out of my room or I'll kill you" And that was it. I was just there. Crying. Praying for it to be over. Waiting for someone to save me. But it never came. My mind was blank and scared. I didn't know what to do and my body was just taking the pain. By the end I was sobbing even more uncontrollably, grasping in between my legs, thinking I was bleeding. I put on my clothes and ran out to the other boys. They all sat up and stared at me. Each saying sorry. I asked the friend if he would sleep on the couch with me to keep me safe the rest of the night until I could drive home and he did. I couldn't wrap my head around it. Why didn't they help me? Why did it happen? What should I have done? What will happen when I see him at school and sit next to him in class? Morning came and I drove for hours. Just crying. Thinking there was some way I got pregnant because he didn't use a condom. Crying because I was somehow ASHAMED that it happened. I told 3 of my friends the following Monday but we had no clue what to do, and more than anything, I was ashamed and embarrassed of what happened, especially with this kid who everyone hated and was terrified of. It wasn't until August 2022 (10 years later) that I finally reached out for help with a therapist. I am now working through my trauma and hoping to connect with others who know what I've gone through and can understand what I felt all this time being alone. For me, my story hasn't ended just yet, but I'm trying to make it a powerful one. Thanks for listening.