Why do I keep questioning whether what happened was abuse? Sometimes it feels clear it was inappropriate touching, but other times I doubt my experience and find myself uncertain. Is this a common response for survivors?

Answer

Thank you for trusting us with these complex and painful feelings. I know firsthand how exhausting and confusing it can be to question whether what happened to you was abuse. Your question touches on something many survivors experience, and these feelings of doubt are completely normal responses to trauma, even though they can feel overwhelming and isolating.

When we experience inappropriate touching or abuse, it often brings up a tangled web of emotions - confusion, fear, guilt, shame, and doubt can all exist at once. These intense feelings can make it really hard to process what happened or put clear labels on our experience. If the person involved was someone you knew or trusted, which is often the case, it becomes even more complicated. It's natural to hesitate in seeing their actions as harmful - acknowledging that someone close to us could cause harm challenges our whole understanding of that relationship and can be incredibly painful.

Society's mixed messages about boundaries and consent can add another layer of confusion. We might question whether our experience "counts" if it doesn't match what we typically hear about. You might catch yourself thinking "maybe I'm overreacting" or "it wasn't that bad." While this self-doubt is a common protective response, it can make it harder to trust your own instincts and feelings. Trust your gut.

One important other thing to share is how trauma affects our memory and ability to process events. Having gaps in your memory or struggling to piece together exactly what happened isn't unusual - it's actually your brain's way of trying to protect you, even though it can add to your confusion.

Please know, if an interaction left you feeling uneasy or unsafe, that alone is significant and valid. Your comfort and well-being matter. You have the right to trust your feelings and set boundaries, regardless of the situation or anyone else's intentions. Your experience is real, and your feelings about it are valid, even if you're still making sense of what happened. Thank you so much again for trusting us with this.