Question

When I was 7 or 8, a boy my same age at school coerced me during a game of truth or dare. He threatened that something would happen if I didn't comply, and then touched me inappropriately. I said no multiple times before eventually giving in. I've been struggling with this memory recently because my friend suggested it was sexual abuse, but I keep trying to dismiss it as nothing and push the thoughts away. Given that we were the same age, I'm confused about whether this was abuse or just childhood experimentation. I'm having trouble understanding what happened and how to categorize this experience.

Answer

Thank you for sharing this difficult memory. It is brave to speak about experiences that confuse and trouble us, especially ones from childhood.

What you're describing - being pressured and threatened into unwanted touching, even after saying no multiple times - was a violation of your boundaries, regardless of the age of the other person involved. While children of the same age might engage in normal exploratory behavior, what sets this apart is the element of coercion and your clear expression of not wanting to participate.

Your instinct to push these thoughts away is a very common response to disturbing memories. Many people try to minimize or dismiss difficult experiences, especially when they occurred between children or when they don't fit what we typically think of as abuse. But the fact that these memories are surfacing and causing you distress now suggests that this experience had a real impact on you.

Only you can decide how to understand or label what happened to you. What's most important isn't finding the perfect category for this experience, but rather acknowledging that it affected you and that your feelings about it - whatever they may be - are valid. The confusion you're feeling is completely normal when processing childhood experiences like this.

If you find yourself continuing to struggle with these memories, please know that there are trauma-informed counselors who specialize in helping people understand and heal from childhood experiences like yours. They can help you process these memories in a way that feels right for you, at your own pace.

Remember that questioning and trying to understand past experiences doesn't make them "more real" or "less real" - it's simply part of how our minds process things that happened to us. Be gentle with yourself as you work through these thoughts and feelings. Thank you for reaching out to us. You are not alone.