My therapist made comments suggesting women who freeze during assault 'wanted it' or are 'dirty,' though she backtracked saying my situation as a teenager was different. I've been afraid to share details about my abuse beyond the minimum, and now I'm even more scared. I don't want to continue therapy, but my mom already paid for the sessions, and I don't know how to address this with either of them. Should I just ignore these comments since they weren't directly about my situation?

Answer

Thank you for trusting us with this. I'm so sorry to hear about your experience with your therapist. It sounds like her comments were not only hurtful but also made you feel unsafe sharing your experiences. First, I want you to know that what happened to you was absolutely not your fault, and your response—whatever it was—was your body's way of protecting you in an impossible situation.

Freezing during an assault is a very common and natural response. When faced with overwhelming fear or danger, our bodies can respond in different ways—sometimes we fight, sometimes we flee, and sometimes we freeze. Our bodies have evolved these automatic responses to danger, and they happen in the oldest parts of our brain, bypassing conscious thought completely. Research has consistently shown that freezing is extremely common during sexual assault—many studies indicate it's actually the most frequent response.

Freezing doesn't mean you wanted it to happen, and it certainly doesn't make you "dirty" or "gross." The idea that freezing indicates consent is not just wrong—it's a deeply harmful myth that goes against everything we understand about trauma and neurobiology. A person who freezes physically cannot move or speak-- their body has temporarily shut down certain functions as a survival mechanism. This has absolutely nothing to do with desire or consent.

It's completely understandable that you're feeling hesitant to continue sessions with your therapist. Therapy should be a safe space where you feel supported and believed. If your therapist's comments are making you feel blamed or uncomfortable, it might be important to consider finding someone who better understands and validates your experiences. You deserve a therapist who creates safety, who understands trauma responses completely, and who would never shame or blame you for what happened or how your body responded.

I know it might be difficult to talk to your mom about this, especially since she's already paid for the sessions. Perhaps you could share with her that you're not feeling comfortable with this therapist and would like to explore other options. You don't have to go into all the details if you're not ready, but expressing that this therapist isn't the right fit for you might help. While it may feel difficult to address this situation with your mother, your emotional safety and healing journey are what matter most.

Not all therapists are equally trained or skilled in trauma-informed approaches. Professional trauma therapists understand these responses. They know that no response during assault—whether freezing, fighting, fleeing, or appeasing—reflects poorly on a survivor's character or implies consent. These responses are not choices; they're automatic biological reactions beyond conscious control.

Remember, what happened to you was not your fault, and your reactions during the assault were normal responses to a traumatic situation. You deserve empathy and understanding as you navigate your healing journey. There are many therapists who are genuinely trauma-informed and who will provide the compassionate, validating support you deserve. Please be gentle with yourself, and know that your feelings are valid. You are not alone.