Question

I'm trying to understand if my sister's behavior constitutes abuse. She's consistently mean to me - making fun of me, calling me names, and demanding I do things for her. What particularly bothers me is how she repeatedly violates my physical boundaries with unwanted touching, even though I've explicitly told her to stop many times. The touching isn't sexual, but it makes me extremely uncomfortable: she tickles me, pokes me, grabs my face, slaps my butt when I'm walking upstairs, and does irritating things like hovering her hand near me or putting it in front of my face. While she's always been physically demonstrative, I've grown to hate it. I struggle because these actions might seem innocent to others, and my reactions can appear like overreactions. While it's not sexual abuse or traditional physical abuse, it is persistent unwanted touching and boundary violation. Is this pattern of behavior considered abusive, even if it doesn't fit typical definitions of abuse?

Answer

Thank you for sharing this difficult situation with us. Your feelings about your sister's behavior are completely valid. Any unwanted touching that continues after clear requests to stop is a violation of personal boundaries, regardless of whether it appears "innocent" to others or whether the person doing it is a family member.

What you're describing is a pattern of boundary violations and disrespectful behavior. Your sister repeatedly ignores your clearly stated boundaries about your own body, and combines this with emotional manipulation and verbal put-downs. While others might minimize these behaviors because they're coming from a sibling or because they don't appear overtly violent, persistent unwanted touching and boundary violations is not okay. You're not being "too sensitive" or "overreacting" - your body autonomy matters, and you have every right to feel distressed when it's violated.

It's particularly concerning that this continues even after you've expressed how much you dislike it. Your right to bodily autonomy - to decide who touches you and how - is fundamental. The fact that these behaviors might look innocent to outsiders doesn't make them any less harmful or any less of a violation of your boundaries. Sometimes family dynamics can normalize inappropriate behaviors, but that doesn't make them okay.

If you're looking for ways to address this, you might consider being very firm and consistent about your boundaries, speaking with your parents or another trusted family member about the situation, or seeking support from a counselor who can help you develop strategies for dealing with this dynamic. Creating physical distance when possible can also help protect your boundaries.

Remember: You don't need to question whether something is "bad enough" to be considered abuse. If it's causing you distress and violating your boundaries, it's serious enough to address. Your discomfort is valid, and you deserve to have your boundaries respected, even by family members, even with seemingly "playful" touches. Thank you so much for reaching out to us about this. You are not alone.