Question

I experienced sexual abuse as a child, which has left me unable to engage in intimate activities due to trauma, shame, and fear. There's something I've never discussed because of deep shame, and I can't find information about it or anyone to talk to. When sexual assault scenes appear in media, I experience involuntary physical responses, which confuses and distresses me since I'm still processing my trauma. Is this a common response for survivors, and what does it mean?

Answer

Thank you so much for trusting us with this sensitive question. What you're experiencing is a completely normal physiological response that many survivors of sexual abuse face, though it's rarely discussed due to shame and stigma. Please know that these physical reactions don't invalidate your trauma or your healing journey - they are simply your body's automatic responses and are not under your conscious control.

Our bodies can respond to trauma-related triggers in complex ways that might feel confusing or distressing. These physical responses are often completely disconnected from our emotional state or desires, similar to how our hearts might race during a scary movie even when we know we're safe. This happens because our bodies' survival mechanisms are deeply intertwined with our nervous system.

During trauma, especially sexual trauma, our bodies develop heightened sensitivity to related triggers as a protective response. When similar content appears in media, your nervous system might automatically respond as if detecting a threat, leading to various physical reactions - including genital responses - regardless of your emotional state. This is called somatic memory, where your body holds onto trauma responses even as your mind processes and heals.

Moving towards healthy intimacy is possible, though it should be approached gradually and with support. Consider starting with these foundational steps: First, work on building a stronger connection with your body through gentle, non-sexual activities like deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, or trauma-sensitive movement practices. This helps rebuild trust with your body in a safe context. Second, practice self-compassion and remind yourself that your past experiences and current responses don't define your future capacity for healthy relationships.

Working with a trauma-informed therapist who specializes in sexual trauma can be tremendously helpful. They can guide you through specific therapeutic approaches like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) or Somatic Experiencing, which help process trauma stored in the body. Some find that seeing a sexual health therapist who understands trauma can also be beneficial in addressing specific concerns about intimacy. Organizations like RAINN offer confidential support and can connect you with professionals who understand these specific challenges. If you're not ready for therapy, some survivors find relief through body-based healing practices like trauma-sensitive yoga or mindfulness, which can help rebuild a sense of safety and control in your body.

Remember that healing isn't linear, and there's no shame in how your body responds to triggers. You're showing incredible strength by seeking to understand these responses and working through your trauma. Many survivors go on to have fulfilling intimate relationships. The key is moving at your own pace, honoring your boundaries, and surrounding yourself with support. If you're interested in connecting with others who understand, survivor support groups (either in-person or online) can provide community and shared wisdom from others on similar healing journeys. Take things at your own pace, and be gentle with yourself as you navigate this journey. Thank you for trusting us with this. You are not alone.