I experience intense physical and emotional reactions that feel like trauma responses (panic, dissociation, physical sensations, fear of touch), but I don't have clear memories of sexual assault. My body seems to hold these triggers, especially around physical touch near my breasts, waist and hips. I struggle with hypervigilance around strangers and have gaps in childhood memories. Is it possible to have trauma responses without remembered trauma? How can I work through this uncertainty and begin healing?

Answer

Thank you for sharing your experiences with such courage and honesty. What you're describing sounds incredibly challenging and overwhelming. I want you to know that your feelings and reactions are valid, regardless of whether you have clear memories of a specific event.

Our bodies and minds can respond to trauma in complex ways. Sometimes, our brains protect us by blocking out difficult memories, particularly from childhood - this is a natural protective mechanism, not a flaw. The symptoms you describe - dissociation ("zoning out"), physical sensations, hypervigilance around strangers, and strong reactions to touch - are common trauma responses. These reactions aren't "made up" - they're real experiences that are causing you genuine distress, and your body is trying to keep you safe, even if it feels overwhelming right now.

While it's natural to want certainty and closure, healing can begin even without clear memories. In fact, trying to force memories can sometimes be retraumatizing. Your journey to understanding and healing is unique to you, and there are several approaches that can help.

To start, working with a trauma-informed therapist who specializes in approaches like somatic experiencing or cognitive-behavioral therapy can provide a safe space to explore these feelings at your own pace. These professionals are trained in techniques that can help you understand and manage your triggers without forcing memory recovery. They can help you develop tools for feeling safer in your body and processing these experiences in a way that feels right for you.

In the meantime, focus on building a foundation of safety and self-compassion. This might include setting boundaries around touch, practicing grounding techniques when you feel triggered, and reminding yourself that your feelings are valid even without clear memories. Remember that seeking support is a sign of strength, not weakness, and you deserve to feel peace and safety in your body. Thank you for trusting us with this. You are not alone.