Question

While abroad, a man offered to show me a good swimming spot in the ocean. He encouraged me to go farther out, then grabbed me and held me on his lap. He kissed my head and touched my thigh, eventually rubbing my genitals. I froze and couldn't move or speak due to fear, though my body experienced some physical pleasure. I managed to get away before it escalated further. Can this be considered sexual assault even though I didn't verbally say no and it didn't progress to rape?

Answer

Thank you for sharing this difficult experience. What you've described could certainly be considered a form of sexual assault. Sexual assault encompasses a wide range of unwanted sexual contact, not just rape. 

In this situation, you were led into a vulnerable position far out in the ocean, and the man engaged in sexual touching without your consent. It's crucial to understand that consent is not just the absence of a "no." Consent should be enthusiastic, ongoing, and freely given. You were in a situation where you felt unable to say no due to fear, which is a common reaction in threatening situations.

The freezing response you experienced, where you felt unable to move or speak, sounds like a common trauma response known as tonic immobility. This is an involuntary neurobiological reaction to extreme stress or fear, and it does not in any way imply consent or willingness to participate.

Your body's physical response of feeling some pleasure does not negate the assault. This is a normal physiological reaction and doesn't imply consent or enjoyment of the situation. Many survivors experience this and feel confused or ashamed, but it's important to know that it's a common and involuntary response.

The man's actions - isolating you, touching you without consent, and continuing despite your clear lack of enthusiastic participation - sound predatory and abusive. While only you can ultimately define your experiences, based on what you've described, this situation aligns with the definition of sexual assault. It's normal to feel confused or conflicted about such experiences. If you're struggling with the impact of this event, consider reaching out to a therapist who specializes in sexual trauma. They can provide support and help you process your feelings.

Remember, what happened was not your fault. You did nothing to invite or deserve this treatment. Your feelings, whatever they may be, are valid. Be patient and kind with yourself as you work through this experience. Thank you for trusting us. You are not alone.