When I was younger, I had frequent sleepovers at my aunt's house. During one visit, I ended up alone with her in the house's mudroom. She told me to take off my clothes. I communicated that I didn't want to and it made me uncomfortable, but she kept insisting it was "fine" because we were both female. I remember her removing her clothes, but my memory is unclear about what happened after that. She is responsible for another unrelated trauma in my life as well. I'm conflicted about whether I'm glad I don't remember or wish I could recall more to answer the questions in my head. I've never shared this with anyone because I don't know if my experience is valid, and I don't want to invade spaces where I don't belong. Am I right to feel uncomfortable about this experience? I'm just tired of feeling so lost.

Answer

Thank you for trusting us with your story. I'm sorry to hear that you've been carrying this experience alone and feeling lost. What you went through with your aunt sounds deeply confusing and unsettling, and it's completely understandable that you're grappling with questions about it now.

What you've described is absolutely valid, and your feelings of discomfort are completely justified. When someone pressures you to remove your clothing after you've clearly expressed discomfort, that's a violation of your boundaries, regardless of your relationship or gender. An adult asking a child to undress without a clear reason is inappropriate and concerning behavior. It's important to recognize that you had the right to say no, and your discomfort was a natural response to a situation that didn't feel right to you.

Memory gaps around distressing events are common and are often your brain's way of protecting you. These gaps don't make your experience any less real or significant. Many survivors have fragmented memories of traumatic events, and this is a normal response to overwhelming situations. It's okay to feel conflicted about whether you wish to remember more; both feelings are completely valid.

Your hesitation to speak about this experience is understandable. Many survivors question whether their experiences "count" or if they belong in survivor spaces. Please know that there is no minimum threshold of harm that you need to meet to deserve support and healing. If an experience has caused you distress, that alone makes it valid. You're not invading any space by acknowledging what happened to you.

The fact that this aunt was also responsible for another major trauma in your life suggests a pattern of boundary violations that compounds the impact of these experiences. This context matters and might add weight to your feelings about this specific incident.

Consider reaching out to a therapist who specializes in trauma, as they can provide personalized guidance through these complex feelings. Many survivors find that professional support helps them process memories and emotions at their own pace, without pressure to remember more than feels safe. Sharing your feelings might help alleviate some of the burden you've been carrying.

Remember that healing isn't linear, and questioning your experiences is part of the process. Your feelings matter, your boundaries matter, and your healing journey matters. You deserve compassion, understanding, and support as you work through these difficult memories and emotions. You're not alone, and there are people who care and want to help you navigate through these feelings. Take gentle care of yourself.