Question

When I was 7, my older cousin (10) would inappropriately touch my chest and groin area, calling it 'tickling.' At that age, I didn't understand it was wrong, and my body had an involuntary physical response. Does having a physical reaction at the time mean it wasn't abuse?

Answer

Thank you so much for trusting us with this. What happened in your childhood has understandably left you with complex feelings, and only you have the right to define and label your experiences. While I can provide information about what's typically considered abuse versus normal childhood behavior, how you process and understand your own experiences is deeply personal.

Some childhood curiosity about bodies is normal. Typical exploration involves children of similar ages (within 1-2 years), is mutual and playful rather than coercive, and stops if anyone becomes uncomfortable. However, sexual contact becomes concerning when there's a power imbalance, secrecy, coercion, or when one child seems to have sexual knowledge beyond their age.

The fact that your cousin was also a child (age 10) adds complexity. Children who engage in harmful sexual behaviors often do so because they've experienced abuse themselves or been exposed to inappropriate content. This doesn't excuse their actions or minimize your impact, but might help explain the behavior.

Many survivors experience a range of responses during traumatic experiences - from physical reactions to freezing, emotional numbness, or feeling disconnected. These are all normal protective mechanisms. Having physical responses doesn't mean you wanted or enjoyed what happened - our bodies can react involuntarily, like laughing when tickled even if we want it to stop.

I encourage you to speak with a trauma-informed therapist who can help you process these complex feelings in a safe environment. They can help you understand both your experience and the complicated dynamics involved.  Thank you so much for reaching out to us. Remember: You are not alone, your feelings are valid, and healing is possible.