Question

My girlfriend and I are in a long-distance relationship, about 9 hours apart. She recently told me she was almost a victim of human trafficking. According to her, she and her friend were drugged and found by police before they could be transported. She woke up in a hospital where she was tested for STDs (all negative), but tragically, she told me her friend didn't survive. This isn't her first trauma - she was also molested when she was 8 years old. Learning about this recent incident has deeply affected me. While she tells me not to worry and that she's okay, I'm struggling to cope. I still love her, but I feel different. Being so far away when this happened makes it worse - I wish I could be there for her, though I'm not sure how much help I could be. I'm feeling lost and empty, and I need advice on how to handle this situation and my emotions.

Answer

Wow. What a terrible situation. I am so sorry this happened.

I hear how deeply affected you are by this and I want to acknowledge how overwhelming it must feel to process this news while being physically distant from her. It's completely normal to feel lost, empty, and changed by learning about a loved one's traumatic experience. Your struggle with these feelings shows how much you care about her. While she might say she's "okay" and that you shouldn't stress, it's natural for you to be concerned. Trauma affects not only the survivor but also their loved ones, and your feelings are valid too.

Being in a long-distance relationship during this time presents unique challenges. While you can't be physically present, there are still meaningful ways you can support her: being a consistent, reliable presence in her life, listening without judgment when she wants to talk, respecting her boundaries when she doesn't, and following her lead about what support she needs. Sometimes maintaining normal routines and conversations is all you can do, but can be incredibly helpful if that is what she wants.

However, it's also important to take care of yourself. Supporting a trauma survivor while processing your own feelings can be emotionally difficult. Consider speaking with a counselor who can help you navigate these complex emotions and learn ways to be supportive while maintaining your own emotional health. Your feelings of being "different" now are normal - significant events like this can shift our perspectives and relationships. This doesn't mean your love is less valid; you're processing a heavy situation and need time to adjust.

Many resources that support survivors also offer guidance for loved ones. Organizations like RAINN have specific resources for friends and family of survivors, including their hotline (800.656.HOPE) and online chat services. These services understand that trauma creates ripples that affect the survivor's whole support network, and they're equipped to help both survivors and their loved ones navigate the healing process.

You don't have to figure this out alone - there are people who understand what you're going through and can help you be both supportive of your girlfriend and caring toward yourself during this challenging time.

Thank you for reaching out to us. We are thinking of you both during this difficult time.