Question

I'm afraid to have kids because I'm scared they will grow up to either be abused or abuse other people. How reasonable is this fear? What can I do about it?

Answer

Thank you for reaching out about this. I want to acknowledge that your concern comes from a place of deep care and a desire to protect. It's understandable to have fears about bringing children into a world where abuse exists, and it's commendable that you're thinking critically about this before making such an important decision.

While the risk of abuse is a reality, it's important to recognize that many people grow up without experiencing or perpetrating abuse. As a parent, you would have a significant role in creating a safe, nurturing environment for your children. This can include educating them about healthy relationships and boundaries, maintaining open communication, teaching them about body autonomy and consent, and being aware of potential risks.

There are many resources available to support parents in raising healthy, well-adjusted children. These include parenting classes, books, and professional support from therapists or counselors who specialize in family dynamics. These resources can help you develop skills and strategies to create a protective, nurturing environment for children.

It's okay to have these fears and to take time to work through them. Your concerns show that you're thoughtful about the immense responsibility of parenting. If you'd like to explore these feelings further, speaking with a therapist could be helpful. They can provide a safe space to process your anxieties and help you make the decision that feels right for you.

Remember, there's no rush to make this decision. Take the time you need to feel comfortable and prepared, whatever choice you ultimately make. Thank you for reaching out to us and sharing your concerns with us. We appreciate you.