Question

I was groomed online and my groomer made me sext with another child around to my age. I don't know how much I should be responsible for hurting the child. I don't know if I’m even a victim in this situation. I don’t know how much I was really forced, considering it was all online.

Answer

Thank you so much for trusting us with this. Let me be very clear: you are absolutely a victim in this situation. Online grooming is a serious form of abuse, and the fact it happened virtually doesn't diminish its impact. The adult who manipulated you holds full responsibility for orchestrating abuse between two children.

Children cannot meaningfully "consent" to sexual activities, online or otherwise. When an adult manipulates children into sexual behavior with other children, both children are victims of that adult's abuse. Your feelings of responsibility toward the other child show your empathy, but the blame lies entirely with the adult who exploited you both.

The confusion you're feeling about whether you were "really forced" is common among survivors of online grooming. Groomers are skilled at making their victims feel complicit in their own abuse. This is part of their manipulation - making you question your own victim status is one way they avoid accountability.

Recognizing yourself as a victim can bring intense emotions - grief, anger, relief, confusion, or all of these at once. These feelings are valid and normal. Be patient with yourself as you process this. Consider keeping a journal, practicing self-care, connecting with a therapist, or leaning on trusted people who support you. This was not your fault. You are not alone.