I need advice about addressing past trauma that's recently resurfaced. After a presentation about personal safety at my school, memories I've tried to suppress have been flooding back. Years ago, my brother, who was two years older than me, sexually abused me over a period of four months. It started during what had been normal sibling room-sharing. Though we maintain a seemingly normal relationship now, I've struggled with anger, family disconnection, anxiety, depression, and insomnia. When I became older, I realized he had known exactly what he was doing, despite my earlier attempts to rationalize his behavior as youthful ignorance. A trusted adult at school has offered support to students who need someone to talk to. This has me questioning whether I should finally tell someone. I'm concerned about potential legal involvement and family consequences. Should I take this step of confiding in them, seek other professional help, or continue trying to move forward on my own? I really need guidance on how to proceed.

Answer

Thank you for trusting us with your story and for sharing your struggles with your decision-making process in the aftermath. Memories of trauma often can resurface after years, especially when triggered by discussions about safety and protection. Your reaction to the school presentation shows how our minds often wait until we feel some sense of safety before allowing suppressed memories to emerge.

Let's carefully consider your question about confiding in a trusted adult at school. This decision deserves thoughtful consideration because childhood sexual abuse within families involves many complex layers of emotion and practical concerns. Understanding the role of mandatory reporting can help you make an informed choice. School officials are typically required by law to report disclosures of abuse to child protective services (CPS), especially if you are under 18 years old. Knowing this beforehand allows you to think through how you want to proceed.

The ongoing impact you describe - anxiety, depression, insomnia, anger, and family disconnection - are natural responses to trauma, particularly when you've had to maintain a facade of normalcy with the person who harmed you. Think of these symptoms as your body and mind's way of processing experiences that were too overwhelming to handle at the time. Your insight about understanding the situation differently as you grew older shows remarkable self-awareness. Those earlier attempts to rationalize the behavior served as crucial survival mechanisms - ways your young mind protected itself from overwhelming trauma.

Before making any decisions about disclosure, you have access to completely confidential support through national hotlines. ChildHelp offers 24/7 support by phone, text, or online chat. They specialize in helping young people navigate situations exactly like yours. When you call ChildHelp, you can remain completely anonymous - you don't have to give your real name or any identifying information. Their counselors can:

Help you talk through your feelings and experiences without judgment
Explain your options and what might happen with different choices
Walk you through the reporting process if you choose to go that route
Connect you with local resources and support services
Provide crisis counseling and emotional support
Help you develop safety plans if needed
Stay on the line with you as long as you need

Similarly, RAINN's hotline (800.656.HOPE) offers trained counselors who understand these complex dynamics. Both services allow you to explore your options without pressure to take any particular action. Think of them as sounding boards to help you clarify your thoughts and feelings about next steps.

If you do decide to speak with the school staff member, consider starting with general questions about their confidentiality policies and reporting requirements. This information-gathering step helps you maintain control over your story while learning more about potential outcomes. You might say something like, "I'm trying to understand what happens when students share personal problems" before deciding how much to disclose.

Remember that healing from trauma doesn't require family confrontation or legal action unless you choose that path. Many survivors find peace through personal healing work, whether or not they pursue formal action or family disclosure. Your primary responsibility is to your own wellbeing, and there's no single "right" way to proceed.

You've already demonstrated remarkable strength by surviving, managing these memories, and reaching out for guidance. These are all signs that part of you is ready to begin processing this experience, but you get to decide what that looks like and when it happens. Your healing journey belongs to you, and you deserve support in finding your path forward. Thank you so much for trusting us with this. You are not alone.