Question

I got extremely drunk at a party and ended up in a sexual situation with a friend who I'd previously rejected. I have fragmented memories of participating in some sexual acts, but I was way more intoxicated than usual, partly because he pressured me to drink more. I remember feeling unhappy and wanting to leave, but I didn't. I had told another friend before the party that I wasn't interested in him. Given how drunk I was and my unclear memories, even though I seem to have participated in some way, could this still be considered sexual assault?

Answer

Thank you for sharing your experience with us. It takes courage to reach out and seek understanding about such a difficult situation. What you've described is complex, but there are several important aspects to consider.

Consent is a crucial factor in any sexual encounter, and true consent must be freely given, reversible, informed, enthusiastic, and specific. When someone is heavily intoxicated, as you were, they cannot give meaningful consent. It's significant that you had previously expressed disinterest in a sexual relationship with this person, and that you were pressured to drink more than you intended, further impairing your ability to consent.

The fact that you remember feeling unhappy and wanting to leave during the encounter is important. Additionally, there's often a power imbalance when one person is significantly more intoxicated than the other. These factors suggest that this situation could indeed be considered sexual assault. It's crucial to understand that sexual assault can occur even if the survivor has fragmented memories of participation. Your level of intoxication severely impaired your ability to give consent, and your friend's actions in isolating you and encouraging excessive drinking are concerning.

I want to stress this situation is not your fault. Participating in some acts while heavily intoxicated does not negate the absence of true consent. However, only you can label your own experiences. If you're struggling with this experience, please know that it's normal to have complex feelings. Consider reaching out to a sexual assault helpline or a trauma-informed therapist for support. They can provide confidential assistance and help you process your feelings and experiences. Remember, your feelings are valid, and you deserve support and care as you navigate this difficult situation. Thank you for reaching out to us. You are not alone.