I experienced sexual assault by another woman, but I'm struggling to validate it as rape because it didn't involve penetration in the way we typically discuss sexual violence. How can I understand female-perpetrated sexual assault, and why do I feel like my experience doesn't 'count'? I understand logically that women can commit sexual assault, but I'm having trouble accepting my own experience as valid.

Answer

Thank you for reaching out and sharing your concerns. It's completely understandable to feel confused or uncertain about how to define what happened. Sexual assault and rape are complex topics, and many people have similar questions about how they can occur in different contexts.

Sexual assault and rape are fundamentally about power, control, and violation of consent - not about the specific anatomy or gender of the perpetrator. While our society often frames sexual violence in terms of male perpetrators and particular forms of penetration, the reality is that sexual assault can take many forms. Any non-consensual sexual act, regardless of the perpetrator's gender or the specific actions involved, is sexual assault.

Your difficulty in accepting your experience as "real" sexual assault is a common response, particularly among survivors of female-perpetrated violence. This often stems from societal messages that minimize or ignore women as perpetrators of sexual violence, as well as narrow cultural definitions of what constitutes rape. These limited narratives can leave survivors feeling invalidated or questioning their experiences, even when they logically understand that women can commit sexual assault.

The law, medical professionals, and trauma experts all recognize that sexual assault encompasses a wide range of non-consensual sexual acts, not just penetration. When we focus solely on penetration as the defining feature of sexual assault, we risk invalidating many forms of sexual trauma that can have equally devastating impacts on survivors. Sexual assault can include forced touching, coerced sexual acts, non-consensual oral contact, and many other violations of sexual boundaries - all of which can cause significant trauma regardless of the perpetrator's gender.

Many survivors of female-perpetrated sexual assault describe feeling additional layers of confusion or invalidation because their experiences don't fit the common narrative of sexual violence. This can make it harder to seek support, name the experience, or process the trauma. Please know that your experience is valid, your trauma is real, and you deserve support and healing, regardless of your perpetrator's gender or the specific form the assault took.

Your emotional response to trauma is valid, even if you're still struggling to fully accept or name your experience. Healing takes time, and questioning or trying to understand your experience is a normal part of that process. Thank you so much for reaching out to us and asking this. You are not alone.