Question

At a party, a sober person made out with me while I was severely intoxicated. The incident bothered me, and I confided in someone about feeling taken advantage of. That person shared my story, and it got back to my assaulter. They then spread a counter-narrative, claiming I pressured and harassed them. The story has transformed completely, and now people are ganging up against me. I'm too overwhelmed to defend myself, but I clearly remember what happened despite their claims about my intoxication affecting my memory. Do other survivors experience their assaulters trying to flip the narrative and paint them as the aggressor?

Answer

I'm so sorry you're experiencing this painful situation- both the initial violation of your consent and now this devastating attempt to rewrite what happened. What you trusted someone with in confidence was your story to tell, and them sharing it without your permission was a serious betrayal of trust. That violation of your privacy has now spiraled into further harm, and you deserved so much better from both the person who assaulted you and the person you confided in.

A sober person making sexual advances on someone they know is severely intoxicated is predatory behavior. You are not at fault for what happened to you, and your memories of that night are valid, even if you were intoxicated.

What you're describing - an assaulter flipping the narrative and mobilizing social circles against the victim - is tragically common. This pattern has a name: DARVO (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender). It's a manipulation tactic often used by people who cause harm to discredit their victims and protect themselves. Understanding that this is a recognized pattern might help you feel less alone and more certain of your own reality.

Your response of withdrawing and staying quiet is a completely natural protective response when facing social aggression. Your nervous system is telling you it needs safety, and that's okay. You don't owe anyone a defense or explanation, especially when you're feeling overwhelmed. Taking care of yourself is the priority right now.

It might be helpful to document everything you remember about both the original incident and what's happening now, just for your own record. You might also consider confiding in a counselor or advocate who is trained to support survivors - they can provide confidential support without the risks that come with sharing with peers. For example, RAINN has trained advocates who understand these dynamics and can help you process both the assault and the aftermath you're experiencing.

Remember...someone else's attempts to rewrite history don't change what really happened. Your experience is real, your memories are valid, and your feelings matter. You're not alone in this experience, and support is available when you're ready to reach out. We are thinking of you during this difficult time. You do not deserve what you experienced.