After I was sexually assaulted, for a short time, I thought I wanted it. I thought maybe he touched me because he liked me. Does it still count as assault if I thought those things at the time? Am I stupid?

Answer

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings about such a personal and difficult experience. No, you are absolutely not stupid. What you experienced was absolutely sexual assault, regardless of any thoughts or feelings you had during or after the incident.

When we experience trauma, our brains try to make sense of what happened in ways that feel less threatening or painful. This is especially true for young people who are still developing their understanding of relationships and boundaries. Thinking that the attention meant the person liked you is a natural response. These thoughts are protective mechanisms, not evidence that the assault didn't happen or that you somehow invited or deserved it.

It's common for survivors to have complex and confusing feelings about what's happening to them. Your reaction—wondering if you wanted it or if the person liked you—is an extremely normal response to trauma. Consent cannot be given by a child, and it's the responsibility of the older person to respect boundaries and protect younger individuals.

Again, you are NOT stupid—you were responding to a traumatic situation in the best way your mind knew how at the time. Your mind was trying to process a situation that was not your fault. The blame lies entirely with the person who chose to violate your trust and boundaries.

Healing from sexual assault takes time, and your feelings about what happened may continue to change. Being gentle with yourself and recognizing that your reactions were valid survival responses can be an important part of moving forward. The responsibility for the assault lies entirely with the person who chose to violate your boundaries, not with you or your thoughts.

Please consider reaching out to someone you trust or a professional who can offer support as you continue to navigate these feelings. You deserve compassion, understanding, and healing. Remember, what happened to you was not your fault. You are not alone.